me: tell john i suggested My Two Cats for the name of your fantasy football league.
tell me what he says
Lauren: "*grooooan* one named jill, one named jack, or whatever? actually, just tell her to fuck off!"
me: hahahaha
Lauren: (i think i could be one of those people who sits in court rooms and types everything people say)
me: i think you could too. you'd be the best of your kind
i could really feel the vitriol in what john said
(BEST FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!)
Monday, August 31, 2009
This is great, right!?
For all the nerdy nerds out there, a little piece of Star Wars fanfic fodder...
Fantastic.
Do you guys remember that video that Pogo made that was an electronic song made completely out of sounds from the Disney animated Alice in Wonderland movie? He also made a video out of Hook! And it's good!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Sleep with him, damn you!
So Gabe (from Videogum, natch) thought this was awful, but I definitely laughed aloud at the end when Britney started walking around haphazardly like a chicken scratching for grain. And she even used the proper inflections (mostly) when she was reading the script! Awww, Britney. I'm proud of her.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Broke Inside
me: i think our show should be called My Two Cats
John: hahaha
me: my two cats, my two cats, one of them's thin and the other one's fat
my two cats, my two cats, i love them both equally and that's a fact!
John: you've got the jingle already
me: yeah
John: ok so when are you checking into green oaks psychiatric?
did you get a morning check-in time
you can avoid the meth heads at that time
me: hahaha
are you gonna come visit me when i go?
John: mmm
maybe
me: or am i going to have to come...VISIT YOU
John: hahaha
day passes usually go to the more stable
so maybe in a few months
me: shut up i'm stable
John: hahaha
you weren't mad until i said you were unstable
but checking into an institution early enough to avoid the crack heads
totally glossed over
me: it's a helpful pointer
my two cats, my two cats, one is a jane and the other's jack, my two cats, my two cats, one of them's orange and the other is black
this is going to keep me from making friends
i can tell already
John: it's going to keep you from keeping friends
John: hahaha
me: my two cats, my two cats, one of them's thin and the other one's fat
my two cats, my two cats, i love them both equally and that's a fact!
John: you've got the jingle already
me: yeah
John: ok so when are you checking into green oaks psychiatric?
did you get a morning check-in time
you can avoid the meth heads at that time
me: hahaha
are you gonna come visit me when i go?
John: mmm
maybe
me: or am i going to have to come...VISIT YOU
John: hahaha
day passes usually go to the more stable
so maybe in a few months
me: shut up i'm stable
John: hahaha
you weren't mad until i said you were unstable
but checking into an institution early enough to avoid the crack heads
totally glossed over
me: it's a helpful pointer
my two cats, my two cats, one is a jane and the other's jack, my two cats, my two cats, one of them's orange and the other is black
this is going to keep me from making friends
i can tell already
John: it's going to keep you from keeping friends
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Deal With It
Okay. I know I fell down on the travelogue thingie. I only had a short amount of time on the internet per day and that was used up with other, more important missives. I will complete it at a later date - for now, I'm a bit busy with catching up on all the internetting that I missed when I was abroad. In the meantime, enjoy this:
People say that they read PostSecret and see their own secrets in other people's handwriting. I read Texts From Last Night and see my own personality dysfunction in other people's area codes. I'm just waiting for the day a conversation shows up wherein a girl asks her boyfriend if he wishes he actually had a vagina. Then my BORGasm will be complete.
(802): does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
(1-802): actually, i try not to think about it
People say that they read PostSecret and see their own secrets in other people's handwriting. I read Texts From Last Night and see my own personality dysfunction in other people's area codes. I'm just waiting for the day a conversation shows up wherein a girl asks her boyfriend if he wishes he actually had a vagina. Then my BORGasm will be complete.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Prague, Day 1
Well, it's technically Day 2, since we got here yesterday and saw the National Museum before bedtime, but...whatever. This is MY blog, and I say it's fucking Day 1.
Today we saw Prague Castle, which was quite interesting in its own way, even if it wasn't quite what we thought it was going to be. There were SO many people there! And it was hot. We also saw the St. Vitus Cathedral and St. George's Basilica. They were really nice, but someone who was more interested in early Gothic architecture or icons would probably have been more interested than I was.
You know what I don't get? The dragon that St. George supposedly killed. WHAT DRAGON?
After that, we went on a Segway tour of the city, which is just as douchey as it looks. However, in the future I'll be kinder to the tourists, since if they're as ill-prepared as I was, they have NO IDEA how to drive those things and are merely holding on for dear life and hoping the blasted machine doesn't run anyone over. As intuitive as the Segways are, they're also completely out of fucking control. And the greatest indignity of all is that they require a degree of athleticism which I evidently don't have. I ended up backing mine into a corner and getting stuck. The tour guide had to come back and drag me out like a stubborn child. Ugh.
And all of that is not to mention the fact that I got YELLED AT by idiots in the street! The first one was a young girl, probably 15, who - feeling safe in a crowd of her friends - said something wretched in her mother tongue. I gave her the middle finger as I went by. Then some OTHER guy asked me, in perfect English, "Can I ride that WITH YOU?" all disgusting inflection and innuendo. So I told him that the Segway unfortunately only held one passenger, but he was perfectly welcome to ride my DICK. And then Idrove Segwayed away in a murderous rage. And then my mother crashed hers and almost broke her face (but she didn't. Everything's fine - she only suffered a scraped knee and a loss of confidence, and both are easily remedied), and then it started raining! AND THEN I ALMOST GOT HIT BY A FUCKING TRAIN. Jesus God. No more Segways.
Tomorrow, however, we're going to do some other really cultural shit (haha), like see an opera or theatre or something. Should be good. I remain optimistic. And then, on to Budapest, which gets a mention (however brief) in Dracula, so I'm psyched for that. And then...Venice! THAT is what I'm really looking forward to. The weather looks like it will be much better there, and everyone who's been there before has had very nice things to say about it. I've also been told that the shopping there is quite good...
So that's been the trip so far. People always talk about the Prague nightlife, but the closest my parents have gotten to "letting loose" is ordering a beer at lunch. My dad did it at my mom's insistence - she said that we had to "experience the beer here." GAH! My mom talks about having fun like I talk about sports. Is this the time when the man kicks the ball at the other man from the corner?
Today we saw Prague Castle, which was quite interesting in its own way, even if it wasn't quite what we thought it was going to be. There were SO many people there! And it was hot. We also saw the St. Vitus Cathedral and St. George's Basilica. They were really nice, but someone who was more interested in early Gothic architecture or icons would probably have been more interested than I was.
You know what I don't get? The dragon that St. George supposedly killed. WHAT DRAGON?
After that, we went on a Segway tour of the city, which is just as douchey as it looks. However, in the future I'll be kinder to the tourists, since if they're as ill-prepared as I was, they have NO IDEA how to drive those things and are merely holding on for dear life and hoping the blasted machine doesn't run anyone over. As intuitive as the Segways are, they're also completely out of fucking control. And the greatest indignity of all is that they require a degree of athleticism which I evidently don't have. I ended up backing mine into a corner and getting stuck. The tour guide had to come back and drag me out like a stubborn child. Ugh.
And all of that is not to mention the fact that I got YELLED AT by idiots in the street! The first one was a young girl, probably 15, who - feeling safe in a crowd of her friends - said something wretched in her mother tongue. I gave her the middle finger as I went by. Then some OTHER guy asked me, in perfect English, "Can I ride that WITH YOU?" all disgusting inflection and innuendo. So I told him that the Segway unfortunately only held one passenger, but he was perfectly welcome to ride my DICK. And then I
Tomorrow, however, we're going to do some other really cultural shit (haha), like see an opera or theatre or something. Should be good. I remain optimistic. And then, on to Budapest, which gets a mention (however brief) in Dracula, so I'm psyched for that. And then...Venice! THAT is what I'm really looking forward to. The weather looks like it will be much better there, and everyone who's been there before has had very nice things to say about it. I've also been told that the shopping there is quite good...
So that's been the trip so far. People always talk about the Prague nightlife, but the closest my parents have gotten to "letting loose" is ordering a beer at lunch. My dad did it at my mom's insistence - she said that we had to "experience the beer here." GAH! My mom talks about having fun like I talk about sports. Is this the time when the man kicks the ball at the other man from the corner?
Whoops?
I forgot to write here that I'm going to be in Europe until the 19th. I'll be visiting Prague, Budapest, and Venice. I have a blog post about our first day in Prague swirling around in my mind, so I'll send this now and get to work on that. Hope you all are doing well. Stay out of trouble (don't stay out of trouble).
Sunday, August 2, 2009
A Long Time Coming [via Personal Issues]
For a long time, I've been a relatively boring person. I filled this website's pages with superficial value judgments of pop culture happenings, and sometimes took a stab at actually writing something wherein a recognizable desire to be something better could be discerned, but never eked out anything that was really great. I have come to the realization that this is probably because almost nothing I've published here has come from a moment of really personal motivation. I mean, why does any great author write about anything? How do they make it good? It's good, and so are they, because they are invested. I care about pop culture, duh, but I'm also intensely aware that each moment in that arena is just that - a moment, with no lasting worth - and so it is hard for me to care that much.
Lately, however, I've become a lot more interesting. Still waters run deep, sure, but the deepest ones can be very busy places beneath the surface, too, and the last three months have set my emotional ocean churning like nothing else. This is endlessly frustrating for me, but so is writing for the internet in general - I tend to vacillate between the oversharing resultant of unquenchable insecurity (which demands proof that I can be likable after all, despite years upon formative years of social rejection), and my probably surprising natural tendency towards privacy and solitude.
I do my best, I think, but sometimes I also find that I fall egregiously short of the goal (to find out what's important, examine it thoroughly, and share it with others through the language I love so well...and preferably do it with a degree of gravitas?). What's the point of writing things down anyway, though, when even the supposedly momentous events of my life seem to have the same amount of consequence as those pop culture tidbits do? For all my swinging around from private to public and back again, I also vary wildly as far as my opinion of the importance of my own life goes. I think it's what makes me an Atheist: how can you really respect a deity when he/she/it/they is/are constantly having more of an interest in what happens to you than you do? I mean, I'm pretty much set on dying before I turn 50 - I'm practically planning for it. I drink heavily, I smoke more and more regularly, I can't concentrate on anything for more than ten seconds, and am constantly spiraling closer to rejecting actual nutrition altogether, sequestering myself in a darkened cave with internet access, and subsisting forever on Muddy Bears and Coke Zero. What the hell!? Maybe this is the kind of degeneration that goes hand in hand with quarter-life crises, but I doubt it. Maybe it has to do with my purposefully rejecting the Lord Our God Jesus Christ, but I also doubt that. So what now, Dear Reader? Is Fairly Alarmed doomed to infinite self-deprecating introspection whose only conclusion will be my relatively early death, or can I aspire to be - and actually become - something better than a brand, an interesting person: an artist?
Lately, however, I've become a lot more interesting. Still waters run deep, sure, but the deepest ones can be very busy places beneath the surface, too, and the last three months have set my emotional ocean churning like nothing else. This is endlessly frustrating for me, but so is writing for the internet in general - I tend to vacillate between the oversharing resultant of unquenchable insecurity (which demands proof that I can be likable after all, despite years upon formative years of social rejection), and my probably surprising natural tendency towards privacy and solitude.
I do my best, I think, but sometimes I also find that I fall egregiously short of the goal (to find out what's important, examine it thoroughly, and share it with others through the language I love so well...and preferably do it with a degree of gravitas?). What's the point of writing things down anyway, though, when even the supposedly momentous events of my life seem to have the same amount of consequence as those pop culture tidbits do? For all my swinging around from private to public and back again, I also vary wildly as far as my opinion of the importance of my own life goes. I think it's what makes me an Atheist: how can you really respect a deity when he/she/it/they is/are constantly having more of an interest in what happens to you than you do? I mean, I'm pretty much set on dying before I turn 50 - I'm practically planning for it. I drink heavily, I smoke more and more regularly, I can't concentrate on anything for more than ten seconds, and am constantly spiraling closer to rejecting actual nutrition altogether, sequestering myself in a darkened cave with internet access, and subsisting forever on Muddy Bears and Coke Zero. What the hell!? Maybe this is the kind of degeneration that goes hand in hand with quarter-life crises, but I doubt it. Maybe it has to do with my purposefully rejecting the Lord Our God Jesus Christ, but I also doubt that. So what now, Dear Reader? Is Fairly Alarmed doomed to infinite self-deprecating introspection whose only conclusion will be my relatively early death, or can I aspire to be - and actually become - something better than a brand, an interesting person: an artist?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)