More Recycled Videogum Material

So it appears that Jamie Fox is coming out with a TV show on Fox which is described as being "a sketch-comedy series with an urban twist" which sounds exactly like Wild N' Out to me. Maybe that's ignorant of me...but I doubt it. Anyway, the project is currently untitled, and Gabe (editor of Videogum) suggested some names for it:

- The Jamie Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuxx Show
- Ray and Friends
- The Lololoist
- The Jamie Foxx Is Seriously So Awful I Hate Him Hour With An Urban Twist
- Canceled!

Hilarious. Except for the part where he did not give me credit for creating the "fuxx" and all its variations. FUXX YOU, GABE

You can go see the original post here. THOUGH TO BE HONEST I FAIL TO SEE A GOOD REASON FOR THAT, I MEAN AT THIS POINT IT'S OBVIOUS THAT HE'S JUST STEALING FROM ME oh who am I kidding ughhhhhhhhhhhhh (gunshot)

Recycled

I got this from Videogum and thought it needed a wider audience. I take for granted the fact that you will agree.



Unfortunately, now bread has been eroticized to the point that I will never be able to eat it again without squirming uncomfortably in my chair, but hey. This needed to be done. Science.

Maybe.

(via Barz Art)

Fucking Quizzes

The analysis: You are probably a romantic and passionate person. You are sensitive and lonely when you aren't in love. You can be somewhat self-centered, but you are honest and sincere to others. You like to make a good impression of yourself and worry about what others think of you.

What others see from your style:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Although to the untrained eye you may seem like a plain dresser who avoids trends
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You actually wear carefully designed accessories
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Clothes that emphasize your uniqueness
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You value your freedom
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Have an artistic mind
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are neither aggressive nor timid
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :But you believe in yourself
What your nightclothes reveal:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are friendly
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Always in good mood
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are candid
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Helpful
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Can be sexy at times too
What others see from your ties:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You enjoy being alone
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You like to life the simple but good life
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You cherish your freedom
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are thoughtful
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Confident
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Uninterested in glamour
What others see from your belts:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are a frank
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Assertive
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Sometimes flamboyant person
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are friendly
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Want to be accepted by everybody
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You like to have fun
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :To be free
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :To live a comfortable lifestyle
What others see from your shoes:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You like to be the center of attention
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You like to look good at all times
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Probably never leave the house without makeup on
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Although you may be intelligent
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You're also insecure about your looks
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You care about others
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Being happy is your most important goal
What others see from your earrings:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are probably a free spirit at heart with artistic talent
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are absolutely unique
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Are always coming up with lots of great ideas
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Being happy is your most important goal

What I really love about these results is the constant characterization of me as a "free spirit" who is "always in a good mood" which really couldn't be farther from the truth. I am an enslaved spirit, damn you! Acknowledge my cantankerous bitchery! Otherwise everything else is purely complimentary, so I shall let it stand.

Wedding Fever

I've been thinking about love a lot lately (obviously, I've only posted about that topic like six times this week...stupid), because my cousin got married this weekend, and I've been hearing about this for like a year and a half, while she planned and planned and planned and planned and I don't have the strength to continue even thinking about how much work a wedding is. The point is that the wedding finally happened! Last night!

Most of my thoughts and impressions about the whole weekend-consuming thing have to do with scandalous family interactions and/or the relative efficaciousness of the various events within the weekend, so I'll skip that part. Basically I'm glad that it's over because that shit is stressful. I mean...all the (shudder) interactions with (shudder) other people and the (twitch) going outside my comfort zone.

(For those of you who are wondering, my comfort zone basically is limited to the perimeter of my bed. But hey, it's a queen-size!)

HOWEVER. I guess I must be growing up or something because I actually managed to talk to some people without breaking out in a flop sweat and dry heaving - we talked about writing, Milton, cross-country relationships, and being a cantankerous 45 year old at heart. Which was all really great (except for the bits which were fraught with my palpable - only to me, I'm sure - insecurity for not being a brain surgeon or working at Google or whatever). I even got to say, "Oh, CONRAD? Conrad can go to hell" to my uncle, who everyone agrees is a super-genius.
Short version: I Friend Requested some family people today. Yeah. I know.

A semi-downside (or at least a concern) courtesy of this newfound friendship with a few of my family is that the inevitable topic of "what I want to do" came up, and while I usually hedged and talked about law school, occasionally it would boil down to the fact that I want to get paid to write. So now some of them know that I have this...blog, and then I also let it slip once that I'm on TWITTER (fuck!), so now I have to, like...ugh. I don't know. I probably shouldn't even worry about it; they won't follow up on any of the blog/twitter stuff because they are adults with jobs and spouses and stuff and I am a social retard with a lot of free time.

So now that I've worked through all that, my main concern is all the pictures of me that are going to crop up on Facebook over the next couple of days...I'll try posting a couple here to counteract whatever gets out through other means.

This is definitely what it's like to know me.

Devon
i gotta hit up this store before they close at 6

Priya
"hit up"?

Devon
patronize
haha jeez

Adrift

Do you ever consider the possibility that Love is only an evolutionary measure to keep us from going berserk and jumping off a cliff en masse (like the Disney myth about lemmings) or tearing each other limb from limb for sport (like the real-life evil doings of lions, chimps, dolphins) - something to keep our species from overthinking just how terrible everything is and eventually dying out? Sociopaths are "abnormal" because they're outliers, unusual, but maybe they're also our baseline - could it be that to have a normal psycho-whatever landscape is to have the Love Hormones in addition?

It's nothing special to fall in love. You do the sexual calculus every day: Strong jaw, thin waist = virile, fertile. The only thing that drives us to stay together is you eventually settle on someone who can function in society with you. You earn the same amount of money, or you're the same race, or you have the same friends, or whatever other excuses we give ourselves. Why promise to stay with anyone, though? One day, I will definitely grow old and die and so will he. Maybe he'll even die first and then I'll have to wander the earth alone...alone and OLD. By MYSELF.

And furthermore: Do you ever get the feeling that all your supposedly spontaneous gestures of deep, abiding affection - brushing your loved one's hair behind his ear when he needs a haircut, kissing the back of her neck when she sleeps beside you - are just things you saw in a movie (and then deployed in your real life, hoping he or she wouldn't notice/remember)? They say that there are only seven stories: every thing you've seen or heard or experienced at all is just a variation on those original themes (really think about the last five movies you saw and try to argue with me on that one). Do we all just say that we've fallen in love because we're supposed to after dating (having sex) for a certain amount of time?
Could it be that "love" really is the concept of always having someone around to catch the bugs you can't, to make you look less gay at work functions, or to tell you you're about to step in something? (Mad love, 30 Rock)

And is it really so bad to believe that Love is the word for someone who you don't want to repeatedly stab through the brain with a fork, and then hang their corpse in front of your house as a warning to others?

Once

I once asked him, "do you ever feel like falling in love with someone means that you love the kid they used to be?" He was skeptical, but I still kind of feel that way...What I meant (and couldn't properly articulate, having had my share of the alcohol) was that sometimes you can look at a person and see the way they were at 6, or 12, or 19, even if you didn't know them at that time - these are things about their character that aren't necessarily true in the present, but have nonetheless made a lasting mark on the person you know now.

Like this picture of Cillian Murphy, for example. Doesn't he look like a precocious 5 year old? You know he unconsciously made this exact face at all his mom's friends when he was little and they all fake-swooned, clutched their pearls, and went, "ooh, little Cillian will be a heartbreaker when he grows up! You better watch this one!"

I imagine that they say it in Irish accents for some reason, so that's pretty cute too.

i love this band.

Look, I...appreciate what you're trying to do here

NO I DO NOT APPRECIATE IT (I hope you die)

Whoops

"The rarest of all commodities in this world is love."
- South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford to Maria, June 10, 2008

"The rarest of all commodities in the world...is independence"
- South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford to The American Conservative, March 9, 2009

(Thanks, Das Krapital! [Also thanks for giving your blog a name that makes me smile])

The Sandpit

Yep. This is great.

First World Problems

I dropped my Blackberry at the bar on Saturday and the trackball fell out. I was going to call T-Mobile today to get a replacement sent to my house (I've been paying for insurance on this phone for like two years now so I'm pretty sure it would be free...or something), but yesterday someone told me about this phone repair shop that replaces trackballs! Of course, the fee for replacing the trackball is greater than the fee to get the whole phone replaced, but there's a lot of information on my phone that I don't want to lose: appointments, text messages, notes to self (lately I've been working on a series of notes called "Restaurants" wherein I compare the various restaurants I want to try and the ones I HAVE tried), etcetera. And that information, plus the opportunity cost of having to put in all that information again, is worth about the $50 it will cost me to repair the phone rather than having it replaced outright. Does any of that make sense? Okay.

RELATED: At that same event on Saturday, a random dude cornered me in the men's bathroom line (I can't remember why I was there) and told me that the guys I was with couldn't possibly appreciate how awesome I am - which, of course, begs the question: How could he appreciate how awesome I am? At this point, all he was actually appreciating was the shape of my ass, which...yes, as a matter of fact, I can turn any compliment around and stab you in the face with it, why?
ANYWAY, instead of going with the usual "I don't give out my phone number because YOU MEN CAN'T BE TRUSTED with that information" or the slightly less common "I have a boyfriend" (I prefer to let guys think it's not my unavailability, but rather my being completely repulsed by them, that's keeping us apart), I told him: "Look me up on my website instead! WWW.NEUTICLES.COM" And yes, I had to spell it out for him. God I'm so excited about that, I wish I could be there when he checks to find out all about Neuticles. NEW POLICY: ALWAYS GIVE THEM THE NEUTICLES.

In other news, February is over, and thus, so is my commitment to NaBloPoMo. I think I'll take March off (though I will still post occasionally this month, don't worry), since this is the month of Spring Break and...yeah. I don't really intend on being around a computer that much (we'll see how that plays out...honestly I think it could go either way).
Hey! It's MARCH. 12 more days until Spring Break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!