Oh Sure, Blame It On The Rappers

Devon: ok i got the tix

me: schweet

Devon: chuch

me: ?

Devon: haha i dunno
i think rappers say it

By the way, if you guys are tired of reading snippets of conversations with Devon, too bad. He's the only one who ever chats with me anymore. :(/:)

That was not what I expected!

John talked about how much he liked this song the other day and I bookmarked it until just now - this whole time I assumed it was a novelty song from the TV cartoon Rugrats. Okay then. John seems a little less sociopathic now.

Find more artists like Reptar at Myspace Music

DAMN YOU AZIZ

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Man, I've been missing Aziz doing the media rounds...maybe now that Parks and Recreation is back on, he'll start showing up on talk shows again and telling hilarious stories. FUCK! I forgot he had a blog. Where the shit is that link?

http://azizisbored.tumblr.com/

A Masterpiece, Obviously

This is the Jurassic Park theme, slowed down 1000%. Simply incredible. It becomes an emotional journey completely unlike the original rendering, and yet...clear kin of the tune we know so well.

Jurassic Park Theme (1000% Slower) by birdfeeder

Hell yes.

I don't know why I did this voice but...

YO ROGEN
I KNOW YOU THINK YOU SEXY NOW
BUT YOU WEARIN LEDERHOSEN BRO
SO FUCKIN RELAX



MY MAN PAUL "HELL TO THE YEAH" RUDD KNOWS WHAT TO DO
NONE A THAT TILTED FEDORA SHIT
YOU GOT THIS
I GOT FAITH IN YOU

Zodiac-ac-ac-ac

Apparently a bunch of astronomers with nothing better to do have "restored" the original Babylonian Zodiac - the one we're familiar with is no longer accurate due to mini-changes in the Earth's tilt and path through space over thousands of years or some shit (having taken two semesters in astronomy, I feel qualified to say...yes, there is better stuff to be doing, astronomers! Get on that!). So, here is the new Zodiac (again, according to a bunch of bored science majors in Minnesota, which...well...):

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.
Ophiuchus:* Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

So I USED to be a Cancer, but now I'm a GEMINI? This actually throws off almost everything I know about myself, since I really did identify with most Cancer "characteristics"...if sarcastically yelling OH MY GOD I AM A TEMPLATE can count as identifying. Anyway, here's what it all means:

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding of other peoples problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and wont be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.

This is absolutely the funniest thing I've ever seen, easily, for so many reasons

Sometimes you just need an easy LOL

And this was it. Also, Hey, "Life is a Highway!" Welcome to my brain for the next 12 days! YES! This is happening!

Chinese Zodiac Makes Predictions

I was born in 1986, which makes me a Tiger (someone told me [on New Year's Eve, in fact] that I'm a Fire Tiger in particular, which...whatever). Italics mine.

The Tiger

Magnetic, passionate and grand! When the Tiger does anything, it’s noticed! Indecisiveness and stubbornness can mar the sparkle of the Tiger personality. On the one hand generous, on the other hand a little mean, it’s sometimes hard to know where one stands with the Tiger. Flexible, honest and truly entertaining, one has a friend for life with a Tiger.

Forecast for 2011
Most Tigers will be feeling quite pleased and energized at the end of their own year in 2010. The Year of the Rabbit will be another positive year for them. Romantic matters are particularly to the forefront, with many born under this sign deciding to get married or to take the relationship to the next level (So true! I just made the decision to leave - gasp - a pair of sweats and a sleep tee at Devon's apartment! NEXT LEVEL: UNLOCKED). Single Tigers will have many chances to meet a partner with June to September particularly well aspected. If they have faced recent personal trials and tribulations, 2011 will prove to be a much brighter year. Financially, the Tiger will most likely see an increase in income, either due to a pay rise or an unexpected windfall (Let it be a windfall! [I don't want to get a job]). With careful planning and budgeting, they can enjoy this monetary increase whilst easing financial burdens. Hobbies and outdoor pursuits will also interest the Tiger this year and will provide relaxation and a social setting, both of which will suit him just fine (LOL...outdoor pursuits. PS I BUDGET FOR NO MAN). Travel and spending holidays with friends will be a focus during late spring and also August and September. If there is a dream location he’s always wanted to visit, this is the perfect year to do so! A house purchase or change of home could very well feature on the cards also. This will be an exciting rather than overly stressful development and Tigers should thrive in their new environment (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

Interesting Tiger Facts:
Zodiac Stone: Sapphire
Special Flower: Violet
Best Hours: 3-5 am
Season: Winter
Horoscope Colors: Green, Blue, Yellow

Hahaha, 3-5am ON THE REALZ.

Check out your own Chinese Astrology Predictions here!

2011! Very New, Very Year (so far).

I know this is a trite topic at this point but I am completely serious when I say that my first concern is: what are we calling this? Two-thousand and eleven? Or Twenty-eleven? I cast my vote for the latter, because it lends itself to a whimsically childish pronunciation: "twenty-'leven". Aww.

Second concern: Have we all decided what we're going to do this year to avert or welcome the coming apocalypse? I mean, it's coming up. I'm falling squarely on the "welcome" side, but that's merely a function of my generally cynical outlook and not the obvious result of a miserable 2010. This year was hard in a lot of ways but the optimism I felt at the beginning of the academic year holds; I still feel like things are looking up.
I guess that kind of encapsulates why I so rarely have anything major to say on January 1st - I've always either been in school (and thus, already had a more significant New Beginning moment than one that occurs in the middle of the year by which I live my life), or working a job I hated (and generally pretty cranky about everything). Not to mention the fact that New Year's Eve is one of two nights out of the year that the amateurs come out and act like fucking amateurs...though there was merciful little of that going on at the party I went to, for which I am understatedly, but no less powerfully, grateful...though I did see a pair of rather poorly-disguised prostitutes! But I digress.

Anyway, in 2011 I plan to live a little more like this really is my last year ever: I want to take opportunities I would otherwise be afraid to. I want to experience something wild, something strange, something so completely other that my whole world is changed. When I ring in 2012, I want to look back and celebrate all I have accomplished. But first I want to take a fucking nap. Happy New Year!