Every day I wake a newborn
But as the morning breaks I see
I too am broken, old, and used
Today is just like every day
All my friends are in their tombs now
All my friends are gone for good
I'm the last one left, and I am not good...
Who could love me anymore?
They found me worthy, now they're dead
I may have killed them all myself
Somehow I find I may not mind
All my friends are in their tombs now
All my friends are gone for good
I'm the last one left, and I am not good...
All I've left are my tomes now.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Soft Focus
me: please stop
john: hahahaha
but
i'm sure it's been done
like 99% sure
that some body mod idiot thinks that's tops
me: oh god
yuck
well that's rule 36 or whatever, right
like if you can come up with a concept, there's porn of it somewhere on the internet
john: right but i meant in a non-sexual way
some body mod idiot with horns
tore off his fingernails
me: oh gross yeah
john: because he thought it said "fuck you" to his daddy
when really it says "hey everybody i'm the fucking moron who tore off my fingernails. hi."
me: oh god, that guy WOULD have daddy issues
john: gosh this conversation really disintegrated
me: hahahaha yeah really
john: we went off the rails there
we were kind of in a mine cart
and you were screaming "dr. jones! dr. jones!"
and i was like "shut up kid"
me: hahahahahahahaha
john: *mine cart goes faster*
that was us
That is EXACTLY what it was like.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
WHAT
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
This is turning into ThisIsWhyYoureFat.com/blog
Grande nonfat, no whip mocha: $4.03
Dry cleaning (7 pieces): $91.48
Lunch for 2 from Brown Bag Deli: $14.68
RX from Walgreens: $35.00
Running all your "errands" for the day without getting out of your car: Priceless
There are some things in life that require you to exert physical energy. For everything else, there's Being Fat.
Dry cleaning (7 pieces): $91.48
Lunch for 2 from Brown Bag Deli: $14.68
RX from Walgreens: $35.00
Running all your "errands" for the day without getting out of your car: Priceless
There are some things in life that require you to exert physical energy. For everything else, there's Being Fat.
Monday, October 26, 2009
ThisIsWhyYoureFat.com Checklist
1. Make plans for a ridiculously fun weekend, where it has been made clear that your every meal will be eaten at a foodie's delight restaurant. (Check)
2. Fail to prepare appropriately by eating lots of salads and eschewing cheeseburgers. (Check)
3. Consume 6000 calories on Friday and Saturday. (Check)
4. And an additional 1000 calories every night, in alcoholic form. (Check)
5. Get up on Sunday, vow to eat only salads for a week to atone for gastrointestinal strife all weekend. (Check)
6. Successfully eat a light brunch, but for Sunday dinner consume a heaping plate-ful of leftover Indian food. (Check)
7. Monday lunch: scalloped potatoes, veggie burger, bowl of peas, yogurt, chocolate cake. (Check)
8. Let the suicidal thoughts wash over you. (Check)
9. Refuse to apologize. (...Check)
2. Fail to prepare appropriately by eating lots of salads and eschewing cheeseburgers. (Check)
3. Consume 6000 calories on Friday and Saturday. (Check)
4. And an additional 1000 calories every night, in alcoholic form. (Check)
5. Get up on Sunday, vow to eat only salads for a week to atone for gastrointestinal strife all weekend. (Check)
6. Successfully eat a light brunch, but for Sunday dinner consume a heaping plate-ful of leftover Indian food. (Check)
7. Monday lunch: scalloped potatoes, veggie burger, bowl of peas, yogurt, chocolate cake. (Check)
8. Let the suicidal thoughts wash over you. (Check)
9. Refuse to apologize. (...Check)
Thursday, October 22, 2009
MOM. DAD.
This is important. I think I finally found a SUITABLE BOY!
Related: Here's an excerpt from a recent interview Aziz Ansari did with the Chicago Tribune.
Dear Aziz,
I am pleased to announce that I am now accepting Suitor Applications (with attached biodata sheets, of course, and a cover letter if possible!). From you only.
Cool,
- Priya
Related: Here's an excerpt from a recent interview Aziz Ansari did with the Chicago Tribune.
Which fictional character is most like you?
Wow. This is tough. I'll say Dr. Grant from "Jurassic Park." I like to think I'm pretty level-headed and if kids were trapped in a Ford Explorer getting attacked by a dinosaur I would make an effort to save them, as opposed to go hiding in the toilet like that weasely lawyer.
Dear Aziz,
I am pleased to announce that I am now accepting Suitor Applications (with attached biodata sheets, of course, and a cover letter if possible!). From you only.
Cool,
- Priya
Monday, October 19, 2009
Excuses, Excuses (UPDATED!)
Wow. It's been, like, 10 days since I last posted. Sorry, people who have office jobs! I know my updating schedule has a dramatic impact on the quality of your workday! To make up for it, here is a terrible excuse! I've been spending my time reading, being totally adored, having nervous breakdowns, and being content with my life. Guess which one is not like the others.
I'll return from this unintentional hiatus shortly, when I have thought a little more coherently about something to write that's more compelling than Reasons To Avoid My 5 Year High School Reunion (Which Is This Weekend).
UPDATE: I feel compelled to tell you that you can catch up on what I've been doing by following my Twitter feed. You can click on a link right there in the left margin and it will take you there. Because that is how the internet works.
I'll return from this unintentional hiatus shortly, when I have thought a little more coherently about something to write that's more compelling than Reasons To Avoid My 5 Year High School Reunion (Which Is This Weekend).
UPDATE: I feel compelled to tell you that you can catch up on what I've been doing by following my Twitter feed. You can click on a link right there in the left margin and it will take you there. Because that is how the internet works.
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