No!

Do I care about the outcome of your child's soccer game (even if you are Lionel Richie)?

Is it funny when you torment me with your terrible jokes at work and when I don't laugh, your response is to turn to your similarly uncouth friend and say "no sense of humor, but at least she's cute"?

Am I even a little sad for you that your dog has behavioral issues and needs to go to one of those doggie spas where they take them on field trips and give them massages daily?

Do I appreciate your efforts to befriend me through lines like "Indian women are the sexiest women in the world, don't let anyone tell you different"?

Am I even remotely impressed when you - accidentally, I'm sure - reach into your pocket for a stick of gum and pull out a roll of bills with a 50 note wrapped around it?

Is your dangling a Mercedes key in front of me when you ask me for something a viable method for motivation?

Do I think you're powerful(ly sexy)?
Am I your friend?
Will I bend the rules just this once, just for you?
DO I GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT YOUR HEADSHOTS?