Overheard in the Nail Salon

I was getting my nails done this afternoon (an excursion which took two fucking hours because I chose the busiest day of the year and wanted the most popular thing - airbrushing - done, believe you me I only stayed because you have to pay up front...the bastards) and in an unanticipated move of sweetness, the salon had a flatscreen TV playing True Lies on the wall. So I was watching Arnold stuff his hilariously boulder-like back of yesteryear into a dress shirt and pretend to be a square sales representative by day/ secret government operated organization spy by night for about an hour before this Criss Angel type joker walked in the front door. "MANI PEDI?" the nail ladies yelled. "Pedi," he replied, and sat down next to me.
Next up was a shootout scene, where Arnold's fat partner hides behind a lamppost while in Middle Eastern crossfire. The joke is a visual one; "BUT HE'S FAT! HOW COULD A LAMPPOST POSSIBLY PROTECT HIM!?" And yet somehow it does. I laughed because at some point you just have to stop giving a fuck, and Criss Angel Ripoff Boy goes, "YEAH RIGHT! That would never happen." And this continued for a few scenes (until I moved to a different seat) including one where Arnold rides a stallion through a fancy hotel lobby into a glass elevator.

I know a lot of movies are going for the whole "This Really Happened/Is Happening" thing (Fargo, Blair Witch Project) but I don't think True Lies was ever supposed to be one of them. Please - correct me if I am mistaken on this point.
Also, please correct me if I'm wrong about how fucking unattractive the Criss Angel aesthetic is. Actually, don't correct me. Let me continue the lie; I don't know if I could continue an existence wherein a multitude bandannas/ skull imagery/ man-rings -necklaces constitute a "look".