My friend, M, is volunteering at an orphanage in South Africa for 3 months. She's doing an incredible thing with her time - she's only 19, and is already cool enough to know that this is way better for everyone than the modeling and acting she was doing in LA - and there's no doubt about it. Every week or so she sends out a mass email telling everyone what she's been up to lately, and we all wait with bated breath to learn vicariously about South African customs and every day life at the orphanage. Reading about her experiences has been really edifying, and I wish I had the moral fibre to do something as beneficial as what she's been doing - helping orphaned babies get the advantages every child deserves in life: shelter, clothing, good food, education, and love.
But her most recent email was all about how she just hiked up the side of Table Mountain. "I hiked over 2,100 feet UP HUGE ROCKS! It was insane! It took us as a group of 7, about 2 hours to complete. But it was so worth it!" Followed by twenty pictures of her ruddy little cheekies and sleek, piston leg muscles bounding up the 75 degree angles of an unidentified crevasse.
Do you guys have friends like this? AWESOME YOU ARE A PARAGON OF HEALTH AND VITALITY and I just had Chipotle for the third time this week (granted, it was one of MSN.com's top 5 healthiest food chains, but...). You will probably outlive Mr. Burns and I am going to die tomorrow out of sheer ill will, embarrassment, and social smoking. People who love the outdoors make me retract. That's the best word for it. Retract. I pull back into my hoodie and try to disappear behind my sunglass lenses when you talk about all your Hardy Nature Adventures. Stop making me feel bad about my mental and physical decrepitude: your bright attitude gives me a hangover.
The last time I did any physical activity for 2 hours straight was...never! Think about someone else for a change. OH WAIT, I'm drinking out of a Fiji water bottle and ranting on my blog about Britney Spears - AND YOU'RE IN SOUTH AFRICA LITERALLY SAVING THE LIVES OF TWO HUNDRED BIAFRAN ORPHANS.
Well...fuck. Oh, did I mention she never curses, either?