Fuck. I have come to the point in my life where I have spoken in hyperbole - whether sincere or ironic - so much that when I actually need to speak in hyperbole about something it comes out sounding normal. So I need to re-evaluate some stuff before I tell you about what this post is really about.
1. "Special K bars are amazing!" - Special K bars are palatable, and they're only 90 calories, so that's a plus.
2. "I had an amazing discussion in my Literary Criticism class today!" - My performance in Literary Criticism class made an impression on me.
3. "This is the funniest 5 minutes of film on YouTube followed by the saddest 1 minute of film EVER" - This is the funniest 5 minutes of film that I've seen in the last 6 minutes, and it is followed by the saddest 1 minute of film that I've seen in the last 6 minutes.
4. "This project is seriously sapping my will to live." - I'm growing bored with this project.
5. "This belt is motherfucking tizzight." - Out of the two belts that I've been wearing lately, this is the one I like better.
6. "Have you ever been totally consumed by a need to know?" - Have you ever been mildly interested?
Okay, now we can talk about this post. I'm about to include a link to a clip of Anderson Cooper filling in for Regis on The Regis and Kelly Show in August. When you watch it, I expect you to feel these things:
- real physical uncomfort, like the first twinges of a sexual awakening
- a thumping in your chest, as though your high-school crush just expressed that your affection is mutual
- the pit of your stomach turning to stone, like it did when your first love started dating someone prettier than you
- the relief of being able to pee after having to hold it for 10 hours.
Now go forth and be overwhelmed.