Pretty Much Awesome

You guys, I support people who have self-imposed dietary restrictions. I think it takes a level of self-discipline that I could probably use in my life. I don't, however, support people who want to enforce their dietary restrictions on me via trying to guilt-trip me over the slavery of bees for honey. I don't care.

me: people who get into grad school are the new vegan

John: haha it's true, though
at this stage in our lives
it's the truth
because people who are doing it
think they're hot shit and everyone should do it
and people who don't
kind of resent how well-off the people who are doing it are
but still can't swallow how big of a fucking dickhole everyone who does it is

me: hahahaha

John: you know if i could be a vegan and not die thinking of meat and cheese and chocolate
real chocolate
i would

me: carob is for idiots

John: but yeah, carob is for fucking retards

me: yeah, if i could have a modicum of self control, i would be a vegan
i think it's so hard for us to be vegan because we don't, like, morally recoil at the idea of eating animals
hanging around vegans and vegetarians has actually made me a militant carnivore

John: exactly

me: i'm kind of republican about it
like "that's what animals are for, i hope that's real fur, etc"

John: i am too!
i mean veal?
fucking love it
baby cows are goddamn delicious
sorry
love them
won't stop

me: hahahahahha

John: fois gras, jesus it's awful what they do to those geese
but man is it good on a bleu cheese burger or what

me: if by awful you mean totally fucking effective and delicious

John: I AM HIGH BROW AND I LOVE MY HORRIBLE MEATS

me: OMG SILVER SPOON BABIES ALERT
"fois gras, it's good on a bleu cheese burger"
"yeah totally"

John: you realize our production company must be silver spoon babies, inc
right?
you're aware of this?
i hope

me: HAHAHAHA