Saturday, April 11, 2009

An Open Letter to Michael Ian Black

Dear Michael Ian Black,

You know you my guurrrl, right? I loved that Stella sketch where you and the other guys went to visit Santa and...met Mrs. Claus. But I need to talk to you about something, regarding one of your recent blog posts.

There are many phases to writing a television series. The one I am in right now is called the “Everything is Terrible” phase, in which everything I write I believe to be, or is in fact, terrible. Yesterday’s phase was “Is This Terrible?” in which I write something I believe to be good. Upon looking at it the next day, however, I find myself asking the following question: “Is This Terrible?” Because of the phase I am currently in, the answer is inevitably yes. Yes, it is terrible. Fortunately, these phases do not last long.

Tomorrow may very well return me to the “I Am A Genius” phase, in which I write a single joke which gives me the temporary illusion that I am a genius, much the way a snort of cocaine gives the user the temporary illusion he is a genius. (I’ve never tried cocaine but I’ve heard.((Double parenthetical: this is true. I have not, and will never, try cocaine.(((Triple parenthetical: unless it was really good shit.))))))

Michael - can I call you Michael? Great - this double and triple parenthetical shit has got to go. This is the time to bring the square and curly brackets into play. That sentence should have read: (I've never tried cocaine but I've heard [this is true. I have not, and will never, try cocaine {unless it was really good shit.}]). Sorry to be such an English major about this, but it was an especially glaring oversight in an entry about how you don't know if you're a genius or an idiot.

I wish Stella were still together,

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