Devon: NO SPANX (in response to this tweet)
Me: hahahahaha you have no idea what emotion i'm trying to convey there
and that's not your fault
it's like being killed by the person who is informing you that you've finally achieved an ideal version of yourself
you're like "oh my god, i did it? i can't believe i did it! i don't even care that i have to die now, in fact, i welcome it! and it was worth it!"
that's how i feel when i wear spanx
Devon: thats completely awful
Me: i was going to wrap that up by saying "it's not altogether unpleasant"
I dunno. Ladies, am I alone on this one?
Oh my god I just continued the conversation...
Me: wait so why do you hate spanx so much? is it false advertising?
Devon: no its because it enables girls to hate their bodies
Me: well i didn't expect you to say THAT
Wow, guys shutting me the fuck up forever with the pure superior quality of their souls does not happen very often at all. I will happily squash my well-documented love of the last word for this, though (and that sensation in itself is uncharted territory).