Saturday, October 15, 2011

Maintenance With Honors

Nobody will remember my little bloggy if I don't pump air into it every once in a while and prop it up to make it look alive. Unfortunately that is probably one of the worst motives ever for keeping up a blog but it has to rank above "my boyfriend told me to because he has nothing else to read at work", right? I would never ever get talked into updating my blog for the purposes of distracting one of Houston's finest tax men from his work-day duties.

I could, however, be persuaded into distracting him from his work-NIGHT duties, which is what he is performing right now...when he should be in his apartment, eating steak and drinking red wine WITH ME! Let us not dwell on the fact that pretty much all of the gchat conversations you have read here between us have taken place between the hours of 9am and 5pm.

So...what have I been entertaining myself with while I wait for Boyf to lay his final return to rest for the evening? I just finished watching With Honors, which is the most saccharine, predictable, ham-fisted retelling of the Old Bum Who - At First Glance - Seems Like He Doesn't Have Anything to Give Mentors Young Blowhard into Appreciating Life tale I've ever lived through. the OBWAFGSLHDHAGMYBAL is not to be confused with the YBNSACDLDBAL (Young Beautiful Nymph Secretly Approaching Cancerous Death Loves Douchey Blowhard into Appreciating Life) story, of course. Maybe I didn't like With Honors because it was about a Harvard student and how he and his Harvard roomies learn to see this homeless guy as a Real Person. Though the main character skips turning in his thesis and therefore graduates without honors,  he has learned to Not Judge a Book by Its Cover, so everyone's been enriched by this experience. Actually, the homeless dude isn't enriched because he dies of asbestosis. : ( But then all the roomies hug and they'll be friends forever and never forget Homeless Dude because of all the Lessons. Or maybe I'm so irritated because this movie is one in a long line of movies about how Rich Kids Have Problems Too, and not even a very good one because in With Honors, the main character's big problem is that his dad left him, but he ended up in Harvard so...? The RKHPT genre is so stale even my observation is stale - Madd TV did a sketch possibly titled Rich Kids Have Problems Too like 15 years ago ripping on Dawson's Creek. Let's name some other fun RKHPT specimens...School Ties, Dead Poet's Society, Cruel Intentions, Stepmom...Good Will Hunting, sorta?
1. It's always a guy who's lost his way
2. If it's a man who helps him, the man is old, not a viable challenge
3. If it's a woman, she's beautiful and completely nutso, but never in a way that is actually damaging. Extra points if she likes The Smiths or The Replacements or similar.
4. The helper - man or woman - leaves forever
5. The Changed Man goes forth into an uncertain future, but you have a nice feeling in your heart that, thanks to the old man or beautiful woman, he has the emotional and psychological tools to weather any storm. That's good because he was rich when the movie began so he's got that covered.

Even THIS is so done I feel like I've written it before because everyone hates this kind of movie, except for all the people who evidently LOVE this kind of movie because...because what? Because it's comfortingly formulaic? Ehhh, now I think about it...yeah, probably because it's comfortingly formulaic. I'm not one to hate on comfortingly formulaic (it's why I go to Starbucks - I always order the same thing in the same way and it always comes out the same) so I will just end this by saying UGH I CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE ON "WITH HONORS", but wasting your time with this blog entry is kinda helping me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Misery DOES love company!

I should take this rant over to Four Star Reviews, actually, since this would be a perfect project. Ughhh but I already got out all my With Honors hate! Where am I supposed to find FOUR WHOLE STARS in that mess?

Anyway, I found the Madd TV clip: the sketch is titled Pretty White Kids with Problems, which is also very accurate.

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