When it Rains it Pours

Suddenly the Good Things I whined about so thoroughly not that long ago have started flooding in. Maybe I really did just need April to end.

Anyway, I'm making progress with finals, just turned in one of the best assignments I've ever put together, and I graduate this summer. I am really struggling not to get too poetic about the torrents that have been lashing Houston lately; I FEEL CLEANSED etc. But the rigor of finals and the isolation that rigor engenders, and the rain...it's hard not to dramatize it, perhaps because I have gone largely without human interaction (other than my mom, Jesus God give me succor) for almost two weeks and relating to things on a non-hyperbolic level has ceased to be stimulating. I think I'm describing cabin fever? Am I describing cabin fever?

I must be because otherwise I wouldn't even be here. I have some very interesting self-analytic speculations about my motives here but it would be gauche to express them publicly so I will just sit here on my hands and you can guess about the craven nonsense my mind has invented to keep me up at night. I guess my next good thing should be sleeping through the night, a task that NEWBORN BABIES CAN MASTER.

things things things

Sometimes I smile when I come to this page because I have to navigate to "blogger.com" and it sounds almost sarcastic, like when people say "god damn this grilled cheese is delicious dot tumblr dot com". I am a blogger dot com I guess. And that is what keeps me humble.

Follow Through

HELLO yes I decided am going to post AT LEAST once a month in here (because I realized I at the last minute that I can actually follow through on this). I am mentally empty right now but I'm going to make a post about something god dammit! Uhhh school school school. I haven't gotten a haircut in a YEAR because I've been caught up in school and work and life. I need a haircut. So badly. Ugh. But all I can do is obsess about accounting because I am soooo so bad at it. I mean, all my life (until high school) I was a straight A student except in math. Starting freshman year I got 89s in every math class I ever took and it's been DRIVING ME MAD. And of allll the subjects I was alright at, and the few that I was good at, and the ONE subject I was REALLY good at...I chose to get a master's degree in what has amounted to MATH. Fucking hell. My life is hell. I mean...yes, it's hell, but not in a way where I actively fantasize about ending it all, so that's good.

I'm going to strive to name...
FIVE Other things that are good:
- Boyf
- Baby Elephants
- Naps
- Cute Underpants
- Carbs

There. I did it. Wasn't much of a stretch, I'll admit it, but maybe I can do 5 good things every month? I'm dubious about that part because I'm such a curmudgeon but I think I can at least post. Okay. Let's do it. POST POST POST POST POST

GROUPON CONSPIRACY

Do you guys buy Groupons? I mean...I know they're controversial but I forget why. I dunno man I just bought $200 worth of services for $35 (THIRTY FIVE DOLLARS) so I'll deal. Anyway at the bottom of Groupon pages they put these "witty" blurbs at the bottom and they're SO ANNOYING because the supposed hilarity of the text is very tempered by the fact that the content is WRONG. ALWAYS WRONG. I've already bitched about the one that they did about words Shakespeare invented (they included some words that Shakespeare DIDN'T invent AND gave faulty definitions for some words that he DID!). This one is in the same vein I guess...

What  bothers me about this is the fact that they include correct terminology but mix in INCORRECT TERMINOLOGY without labeling it as such! And people are SO STUPID already. The eggs as baby chickens one bothers me the most because it's so egregiously unfunny.

Fucking 2013 Already

Hey I have a blog! I mean, everyone has a blog, even if you don't write in it I bet you have a blog somewhere. Even if you didn't set it up. It's a law. We must all have blogs. By 2015 there will be a Blog Committee and we will all be put in Instagram Jail if we don't shove our lattes and cats under other people's noses at least 5 times a day. Not to mention all the fucking babies. That is such a tired complaint but oh my god. Go tell a therapist about it if you need to talk about your kids that much. Talk about your kids, but more importantly, talk about your need to talk about your kids to the exclusion of everything else...that is an unfair remark. The moms I know are remarkably well-balanced and still quite fun, if not as social as my non-be-offsprung friends. Except for one, and she was reallyyyyyyyyyyyy dull to begin with. It was like the baby finally gave a differentiating facet to her personality, except for the fact that it's happened like 100 billion times already. Practically everyone does it. She shouldn't brag - when you think about it, the really smart people are the ones who don't have children. They're the ones with all the money and free time and will to live. Or the first two anyway. I KNOW that last paragraph is so done, so obvious, but I can't delete it. I want to delete it because of its STARK UNORIGINALITY but I just feel it a lot right now. I'm  being true to myself by whining about Facebook Moms.

I have been watching an English show called Rev. on Hulu and it's really cute. It's about a hapless vicar who smokes and drinks and has problems but still strives to be good (actually aren't most British shows about hapless vicars who strive to be good? And they say Americans are obsessed with religion. Can you think of a SINGLE American sitcom about religion? Other than Seinfeld obviously). I relate to it because of my ongoing struggle to enhance my own Inner Beauty. Oh this is fortuitous! It's my first entry of the new year and I am talking about my resolutions. I resolved to develop my Inner Beauty again this year because it was so successful in 2012, and also because I am practically perfect in every other way and so couldn't think of anything else to formally resolve to do. I mean of course I resolve to lose weight and read more books but those are more perpetual resolutions...so perpetual as to be almost Sisyphean...

I remember in 1995, I was in 5th grade. I calculated how old I would be in 2000, the new century. I would be 14. I wished I had been born in 1985 so I'd be 15, a nice round number. In the end it wouldn't have mattered because whatever year I was born in, I'd still be the same rambling twat I am now, and I blame that on my parents. The 80s were a bad choice. They should have waited to have me until the 90s. I'd be much younger now and the so-called Millenials are much less self-aware of their insufferability so I would have less crippling self-hatred. But I would also be a much worse person, in terms of quality, so I guess we can leave it the way it is now.

I just deleted a passive-aggressive part about how I blow-dried my hair all nice for Boyf yesterday but he didn't really seem to notice! So the Inner Beauty thing is working. Although now I'm telling you about it so :(

Did you guys hear the new David Bowie song?

Makes me want to hear what a back-from-retirement Talking Heads would sound like.

Okay that's enough for a whole post right? I think it is, especially since the last one was so serious and this one is so full of bullshit. Too much contrast. Maybe I'll resolve to write in here more often!

Can You Feel The Love Tonight

When you become frustrated because Twitter can no longer contain your sentiments, it's time to go back to blogging.

And when it's time to go back to blogging, it's time to go back to blogging about your boyfriend because he is the only person who can stand to talk to you.

And when it's time to go back to blogging about your boyfriend, it's time to talk about poop.

Me: this fucker. he's clearly out to get me
Devon: hes clearly a fuckin dingleberry
Me: HAHAHAHA
       dingleberry

In other news, we are now in Season 2 of The X-Files. It's getting really good now - Scully was abducted by aliens! Maybe. And then she turned up but she was in a coma! But then she woke up and Mulder was like SCULLY!!!! (hearts in his eyes) and it was heartbreaking. The Cigarette Smoking Man may have had something to do with it. There's definitely a conspiracy (mumble mumble) and the government. ANYWAY. I have also started watching Parks and Recreation again because apparently I have been missing out since I bailed in Season 2. So there's that.

Yesterday I went for an uncharacteristically booze-tastic brunch and did myself in. There were bottomless mimosas and we took SHOTS OF TEQUILA. MULTIPLE SHOTS. It was bad. And then I lost some time (read: was abducted by aliens, suffered a dissociative fugue state, blacked out because I did shots of tequila on a relatively empty stomach) and the next thing I remember is drinking a glass of wine in Sugarland, 6 hours later. There are even some unanswered texts in my phone from that time period like "Priya? Where are you guys? Is everything okay?" Truly disturbing. Actually, what was disturbing was the hangover I experienced this morning/afternoon. So far I have: opened and quickly closed (while chuckling ruefully) a finance textbook, gotten some coffee, and watched the season 2 finale of Downton Abbey. I'm very sore at the notion that we were SO CLOSE to a Father of the Bride 2 situation and it had to be averted in such a tragic way. Sigh. Downton. William. Mary. OMG DO WILLIAM AND MARY GET MARRIED AND FOUND WILLIAM AND MARY COLLEGE? In AMERICA?!?

I do actually do things besides drink and watch TV but you would really never be able to tell. For example, I do laundry (not in the last 3 weeks but, you know, sometimes), eat chocolates, and chat on the internet to my friends about their boy problems. I'mmmm every woman!

Maintenance With Honors

Nobody will remember my little bloggy if I don't pump air into it every once in a while and prop it up to make it look alive. Unfortunately that is probably one of the worst motives ever for keeping up a blog but it has to rank above "my boyfriend told me to because he has nothing else to read at work", right? I would never ever get talked into updating my blog for the purposes of distracting one of Houston's finest tax men from his work-day duties.

I could, however, be persuaded into distracting him from his work-NIGHT duties, which is what he is performing right now...when he should be in his apartment, eating steak and drinking red wine WITH ME! Let us not dwell on the fact that pretty much all of the gchat conversations you have read here between us have taken place between the hours of 9am and 5pm.

So...what have I been entertaining myself with while I wait for Boyf to lay his final return to rest for the evening? I just finished watching With Honors, which is the most saccharine, predictable, ham-fisted retelling of the Old Bum Who - At First Glance - Seems Like He Doesn't Have Anything to Give Mentors Young Blowhard into Appreciating Life tale I've ever lived through. the OBWAFGSLHDHAGMYBAL is not to be confused with the YBNSACDLDBAL (Young Beautiful Nymph Secretly Approaching Cancerous Death Loves Douchey Blowhard into Appreciating Life) story, of course. Maybe I didn't like With Honors because it was about a Harvard student and how he and his Harvard roomies learn to see this homeless guy as a Real Person. Though the main character skips turning in his thesis and therefore graduates without honors,  he has learned to Not Judge a Book by Its Cover, so everyone's been enriched by this experience. Actually, the homeless dude isn't enriched because he dies of asbestosis. : ( But then all the roomies hug and they'll be friends forever and never forget Homeless Dude because of all the Lessons. Or maybe I'm so irritated because this movie is one in a long line of movies about how Rich Kids Have Problems Too, and not even a very good one because in With Honors, the main character's big problem is that his dad left him, but he ended up in Harvard so...? The RKHPT genre is so stale even my observation is stale - Madd TV did a sketch possibly titled Rich Kids Have Problems Too like 15 years ago ripping on Dawson's Creek. Let's name some other fun RKHPT specimens...School Ties, Dead Poet's Society, Cruel Intentions, Stepmom...Good Will Hunting, sorta?
1. It's always a guy who's lost his way
2. If it's a man who helps him, the man is old, not a viable challenge
3. If it's a woman, she's beautiful and completely nutso, but never in a way that is actually damaging. Extra points if she likes The Smiths or The Replacements or similar.
4. The helper - man or woman - leaves forever
5. The Changed Man goes forth into an uncertain future, but you have a nice feeling in your heart that, thanks to the old man or beautiful woman, he has the emotional and psychological tools to weather any storm. That's good because he was rich when the movie began so he's got that covered.

Even THIS is so done I feel like I've written it before because everyone hates this kind of movie, except for all the people who evidently LOVE this kind of movie because...because what? Because it's comfortingly formulaic? Ehhh, now I think about it...yeah, probably because it's comfortingly formulaic. I'm not one to hate on comfortingly formulaic (it's why I go to Starbucks - I always order the same thing in the same way and it always comes out the same) so I will just end this by saying UGH I CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE ON "WITH HONORS", but wasting your time with this blog entry is kinda helping me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Misery DOES love company!

I should take this rant over to Four Star Reviews, actually, since this would be a perfect project. Ughhh but I already got out all my With Honors hate! Where am I supposed to find FOUR WHOLE STARS in that mess?

Anyway, I found the Madd TV clip: the sketch is titled Pretty White Kids with Problems, which is also very accurate.

Too Bad.

I'm going to Starbucks, can I get you anything?
Ughhh sorry I'm late to class, was there something due today?
Oh, did I hurt your feelings when I made fun of you just then?



Too bad.

I been there.

This beaver is like "Ummm I DON'T THINK SO" and I totally understand.

Priya's Guide to Parties for Twentysomethings

You guys, I'm not gonna lie. I give good party. Therefore, I feel qualified to give you advice on this matter.
My one and only rule when it comes to parties is: Keep It Simple. The most any good house party needs is:

1. A well-curated guest list. Only invite people who can be trusted to be courteous (or are at least happy drunks), and make it clear that any deviance from your guest list that has not been explicitly approved BY YOU is frowned upon. I recognize that this sounds like a rule that only a hard-ass would employ, but believe me - being able to trust your guests to wander around your home unsupervised and not destroy/steal/maim things is Worth It.

2. Music your guests actually enjoy. That means songs from your collective childhood (Spice Girls or Biz Markie), shared adolescence (Blink-182 or early Jay-Z), and whatever your friends are listening to now. No matter how "bad" these bands are in retrospect, you still know all the words to "What's My Age Again?" and it makes you smile. Admit it.

3. Booze. You are responsible for "getting the ball rolling" (read: Have beer and a handle each of vodka/whiskey/gin, and a 2litre each of Sprite/Coke/orange juice) - considerate people will ask if they can bring anything. Your answer should always be, "I dunno, booze I guess? Whatever you like to drink." You have a favourite drink, yes? But sometimes people don't have tonic or grenadine or your brand of gin. If you bring it yourself, you guarantee your favourite drink will be there. This logic applies to your guests. Also, this allows for interesting beers to show up at your party. People don't usually begrudge this small allowance, as it merely requires that they drop some pocket change on the way to your house.

4. Food. Unless it's a dinner party, people will be really impressed that you have those little eggrolls that you make in the oven. Get thee to Costco and buy like three different items (the aforementioned eggrolls, chips/salsa, veggie plate w/ dip - there, I made your list for you). Put cook-able items in the oven like 25 minutes before you think people will actually start to arrive (then they will be done - nice and hot - when people are actually there to eat them).

5. You. This is your party, and these are your friends!
Do: Keep in mind the reason you thought of having this party in the first place.
Don't: Spend the evening hovering and worrying - you already did the work by organizing this event, and people will feel kinda guilty if you don't seem like you're having fun.
Set everything in motion (remember your eggrolls and get them out of the oven!) and, when it comes time to party, enjoy it!

Continued Conversation

Devon: "If we had to do a murder/suicide thing, which one of us would do the murder?"

Me: "I would, obviously; you wouldn't have the guts!"

Devon (musing aloud): "Yeah, and you would be fulfilling your lifelong dream of committing a murder."

HUH! Interesting

Okay this is a thought-provoking video -



- but I also giggled for an extended period over the "I got attacked by a baby" aside. No, I don't know why. Just watch the video and LEARN. God.

In Which I Am Absolutely FLABBERGASTED

Bad Habits

I coloured my hair again. I wasn't going to for a while, because my hair was so damaged last time I did it - we had to bleach it THREE TIMES to get any change in it at all. But then I got a haircut and the bit of hair I had left was healthy enough for me to take the plunge again. I was going for a kind of ombre look last time, where the natural colour of my hair (a super-dark ebony) faded into a shade of brown three or four shades lighter at the ends. For some reason it didn't turn out at all in the back last time I tried it, but this time...yeah. It turned out. I mean, it wasn't as subtle as I envisioned it, but I kind of love the shocking blonde-ness of it anyway. I've wanted to colour my hair in a way that is (in my words) "Milla Jovovich in Fifth Element - totally unnatural but complimentary" for a while. Maybe this isn't as out-there as Orange Highlighter, but some of us have to function in regular society and occasionally put in hours at a Law Firm.



In other news, I'm updating a ton of videos to my Vimeo account from various events in the few months (Summerfest, New Orleans, and Puerto Rico, as well as some random Nights Out) - I'll put some of them up here when they're ready for public consumption.

Blah Blah Blah

I bet it's impossible to find red Swingline staplers.

Things like that used to end up in my blog, but now they're on Twitter. And I'm on Twitter. So much so, in fact, that the urge to write longer pieces still remains, but I just exercise it on Twitter by updating that a lot. I have isolated this as a prime reason for my lack of updating lately. Also, I can't update this from my phone.

Speaking of which, I have a Blackberry 8820 now, and I love it - not too complicated, and the buttons (as opposed to touchscreen) help me text faster. But I'm kind of obsessed with the HTC Evo now...I don't know if that's a result of it actually being cool, or if this is just my complete susceptibility to advertising coming into play. What do you think? Of course, getting the Evo would necessitate my moving to Sprint but T-Mobile isn't wowing me with cool gadgets. I probably just have to go into the stores and actually physically touch these items before I can make a decision. But I'm too lazy to go into the stores. So I'll just lie here and complain about it.

COMPLAINING! Priya's solution for everything.

Aaaand I just got horribly distracted by shopping online. Well, window-shopping online. My credit card is downstairs and I just can't muster the will to go down and get it. This weather is CRAP. We're supposed to get brushed with the far edges of Hurricane Alex but all that means is the next morning, there will be some sticks in the road, having been blown off of trees in the night. Thrilling.

Now I'm reading Hyperbole and a Half, which I'm enjoying tremendously. Illustrations!

What do you guys know about Tumblr? Is it for COOL PEOPLE ONLY? I'm only asking out of curiosity because it was a huge pain in the ass to switch from Diaryland and I only have that kind of patience once every seven years.

Oh! I've started running. I'm training for a half-marathon in January. A half-marathon is only half of a marathon, but don't let the name fool you: a half-marathon is still long as shit. I started training last January and so far I am up to FOUR MILES. I should be way past four miles at this point, but I got too proud of myself for reaching 3.5. And it's not even four miles straight, it's four miles but with a couple of short walk breaks (cheater!). I don't feel too bad about the walk breaks though because IT IS MOTHERFUCKING HOT OUTSIDE. I need to be better about this. OR ELSE.

Finally (for now), enjoy this SNL video. It is...seriously so incredible.

New Year, New Hair, New Me

Lately I've been feeling SUPER BORED with my hair. This comes over me once every three months or so - usually I get a new hairstyle or buy a ton of products or styling tools (you've seen my bathroom; you know I'm a slut for new products or tools), but this time the urge was stronger. I was about two minutes away from chopping it all off and going back to the old style I had when I lived in Seattle...

(My colorist has also gone through the "boy hair" thing and said she enjoyed it. We confirmed that you attract an altogether different kind of guy with short hair...eventually we decided that by "different" we meant "more open-minded")

But I've been growing my hair out for YEARS now, and to cut it all off kind of seems like I'd be negating all that "hard work" (even if I actually did literally nothing). But that short cut and the blonde have long since grown out - that picture was taken in the summer of 2006. So I decided to dye it again. This entry is boring me already so I'll just post the picture and get out of here.

Et voila.

Morrissey...esque

Every day I wake a newborn
But as the morning breaks I see
I too am broken, old, and used
Today is just like every day

All my friends are in their tombs now
All my friends are gone for good
I'm the last one left, and I am not good...

Who could love me anymore?
They found me worthy, now they're dead
I may have killed them all myself
Somehow I find I may not mind

All my friends are in their tombs now
All my friends are gone for good
I'm the last one left, and I am not good...

All I've left are my tomes now.

Fuck-All

WHOA YOU GUYS I have been super lazy over the last...er...month. Lazy about writing here, I mean, not lazy in general - that is something I've been my whole life. Sorry I've been treating this as my own personal Remember To Watch This Again Later Clipboard. I'll be back soon with something pithy, I SWEAR. I'm working on something about guys, sort of. Guys. Boys, really. Men, I wish. Oooh, emasculating. But no, seriously, this is something I've been thinking about for a long time and it's going to be gender-respectful if somewhat rambling and confused (not unlike this sentence). I'm not doing it consciously, but you can bet all the references will be sort of mysterious and sort of obvious. So you can look forward to that, if the haphazard dismantling of a halfway grasped and yet completely tired social construct (the hookup) might be something you might be into. If not, I have some videos you might like, or I may just cut and paste a funny conversation I had with a friend. If not that either, go fuck yourself.

In the meantime, however, it's four fucking fifteen in the morning and despite my three hour nap this afternoon - purely accidental, I tell you - I'm beginning to fray at the edges. So I'm going to put a nice little dot at the end of this sentence here and go to bed.

[via Facebook]

I was tagged in a note on Facebook today. As I'm sure you already know, I don't do notes, but I often cut and paste them here.

"List 15 books you've read that will always stick with you -- list the first 15 you can recall in 15 minutes. Don't take too long to think about it.

Tag 15 friends (and while it is easy to tag more, part of the challenge is to think about which 15 friends would have the weirdest or most interesting book list), including me. If you don't want to play, no sweat. Feel free to go about your business."

But wait. First I want to show you what my friend chose as his 15 unforgettable books. Behold...REASON #129384 THIS GUY AND I WILL NEVER BE THAT CLOSE:

Saint Genet -- Sartre
Blood Meridian--Cormac McCarthy
The Crossing--Cormac McCarthy
On Suicide--Jean Amery
On Aging--Jean Amery
At the Mind's Limits--Jean Amery
Les Fleurs du Mal--Charles Baudelaire
The Precious Treasury of the Basic Space of Phenomena--Longchen Rabjam
The Way of the Bodhisattva--Shantideva
Inner Experience--Georges Bataille
Phenomenology of Spirit--Hegel
Confederacy of Dunces--Toole
Visions of Cody--Kerouac
Precious Treasury of the Way of Abiding--Longchen Rabjam
Wild Ways: Poems of Ikkyu--Ikkyu

What, Tuesdays With Morrie didn't make the list? Oh well, congratulations on being literate, anyway (even if it did make you a philosophy dick)! And now, in no particular order, my 15. Or potentially, if we're being realistic: Reason #928573 YOU AND I WILL NEVER BE THAT CLOSE. Alternate title: When I Write It Out Like This, It Appears My Tastes Are Somewhat Pedestrian

1. David Foster Wallace - Infinite Jest
2. Milan Kundera - The Unbearable Lightness of Being
3. James Joyce - The Dubliners
4. Dave Eggers - A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
5. Bram Stoker - Dracula
6. David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
7. John Irving - The World According to Garp
8. Nick Hornby - High Fidelity
9. Chuck Klosterman - Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs
10. Marc Spitz - How Soon is Never?
11. Michael Chrichton - Jurassic Park
12. JRR Tolkien - The Hobbit
13. Tom Wolfe - The Bonfire of the Vanities
14. Chuck Palahniuk - Survivor
15. Jay McInerney - Bright Lights, Big City

BEHOLD THE SPLENDOR OF MY BEGINNING

UGHHH, you guys. I was not the youngest person in the room last night and it fucking bothered me. Like, it bothered me a lot more than it should have. I guess this is to be expected, since I place so much importance on my intelligence as it relates to the intelligence of people older than I am (my "precociousness quotient", if you will). And it's also to be expected because eventually - in, like, two months - I won't be 22 anymore. PERISH THE THOUGHT. At every moment in time, there's a generation with one foot out the door, and a generation on their way into the room; I am coming to the quick realization that I'm a member of the generation that has one foot out the door. And what am I to leave behind? The more I think about it, the more the very idea of thinking about it makes my skin crawl. Yes, it's all very meta.

I wrote that paragraph like four hours ago and I have no idea where I was going with it. It looks to be a pretty self-contained sentiment: "I'm fucking bonkers." Seems like a pretty universal theory on what the fuck's wrong with me - John told me on Tuesday that he was interested in working with me because I was "clearly pathologically insane". Which, now that I think about it, doesn't bother me as much as it maybe should.

Anything else? I watched Aliens: Resurrection tonight with my dad and brother, and it was fucking awesome, as usual. Other than that, nothing. It looks like everyone I know is staying in tonight - everyone's either drunk and watching TV at home, or out in Clear Lake (fuck that), or "taking the night off", or not picking up their phone/ignoring texts, or out of alternatives (me). This leads me to the discovery that I've very quickly fallen out of the habit of not going out. I'm sitting here in my pj's and still my leg is vibrating incessantly because I think - I'm pretty sure, in fact - that I should be in the car, on my way to the usual adventure. It's 10:30! The night is yet young! And yet, it should have begun by now.
So: tonight is dismal, but tomorrow looks good. Story of my life.