The other day the Spice Girls debuted their first new music video since 2001 on The Today Show website. Lots of things are wrong with this situation.
1. The Today Show website? WE WANT SOCCER MOMS TO BUY THIS ALBUM! Sorry, Soccer Moms are too busy buying their kids Webkinz. I have never read anything that says that Old People comprise a particularly desirable demographic. They've got the disposable income but...I'm pretty sure that income goes hand in hand with a certain lack of desire to listen to the Spice Girls. I mean, these people have already done stuff with their lives! They've gone to school, and raised kids, gotten haircuts and real jobs. We can no longer pretend that brainless bubblegum pop is going to be anything less than headache-inducing for these people.
2. I can't believe they kept the same name. The Spice Girls? They could have updated it a little. The Spice Women, maybe? Aren't they all well over 30 now? I realize "women" is a scary word for some people, with all those intimidating attached meanings of responsibility, age, social standing, but at a certain point you have to fucking OWN THAT SHIT. Ovary up, ladies! You are Women. Not girls. OH NO DON'T YOU GIVE ME THAT LINE, HAVE YOU REACHED SEXUAL MATURITY? Good. "Women" it is.
3. The song itself is a little...lacking in "umph" for my taste. As is the choreography. Don't get me wrong, it sounds great to my untrained ear, but the Girls look old. The whole thing reminds me of when Wilson Phillips filmed their music video standing around/ sitting on the beach because one of them was fat and it would have been a terrible joke to make her dance. Of course, Posh does look like she's going to shatter if she tosses her hair too hard, so maybe high-impact aerobic activity isn't in the cards for the Girls anymore. One shudders to realize that Posh's body has hosted three children. Then again, maybe that's the reason she looks like a husk, and not the fact that she traded her soul for those breasts.
Oh fuck, I wrote this three hours ago! Damn you, Tetris!
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