ARRRGHHH you guys, I made it TWO DAYS and then forgot to post yesterday. I'm such a fuck. Anyway, here's the post I had planned and all typed up in my Sidekick for publishing yesterday.
I've lived in Los Angeles for about a year now, and celebrities really are everywhere. I saw Melanie Griffith in the subway, like, my first week here, and the sightings haven't abated since. I used to get a major kick out of it, but now...not so much. Cynics say that they don't see anything special about celebrities; that "they're just normal people, that acting/singing is their job," and all that is true. Except the 'normal' part. Celebrities are aliens beamed down from Planet Crazy, and the following points are some ideas I have on ways to interact with them more effectively.
1. If/when you see David Spade, stay calm; it's not a big deal. He is EVERYWHERE. After a year of just missing him, I finally saw him the other day in a Sephora of all places, and I was perturbed that it had taken me this long to find him.
2. Same goes for Andy Dick, but only in Hollywood.
3. The closest you will come to seeing Britney Spears is her paparazzi cloud. They show up before she does, swarm briefly like gnats, and never linger. It's strange...I mean, we all know that she calls them, but why? I think she does it because she wants a fan-buffer, a built in posse that keeps anyone from telling her No about anything.
4. Beverly Hills, dude. I was there for about a week and I saw Flava Flav and Janice Dickenson within 24 hours of each other. Go there.
5. Never EVER tell a celebrity that you "know them" or make any reference to his or her "work". Whether it's a film, album, political stand, their support of full maternity leave for their workers in Bangladesh...DO NOT BRING IT UP. Speak to them only when spoken to, and then, only about innocuous stuff like frozen yogurt or weekend plans.
6. When discussing weekend plans with a celebrity, do NOT say anything depressing. Your Friday night plans might very well consist of changing lightbulbs and drinking Schlitz alone in your basement, but tell the celeb that you're doing "nothing special, relaxing, I guess I'll see what comes up," and leave it at that. Otherwise the celeb will feel bad about his or her plans to sail a 50 foot yacht around the Bermuda Triangle at midnight.
7. West Hollywood is another great place to find celebrities, especially the Whole Foods there. Also, Melrose Ave. Almost anywhere on Melrose.
8. Despite what I mentioned earlier, paparazzi are no guarantee that a celebrity will show. Bentleys are NEVER a good sign. They draw too much attention, and these days, the truly rich and famous are going for hybrids anyway.
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