Sunday, August 24, 2008
Here we go.
I just watched this Pot Psychology column and a keychain canister of pepper spray was mentioned. And I was like, "MAN! I have been meaning to get one of those forever." And then I searched for some on the internet but realized that I probably shouldn't buy weapons for myself because I get the feeling that in my case, honking profusely as a venting device for my road rage for even minor offenses (which is something I already do) would just be a gateway drug to just casually macing people who irritate me. And that's crossing the line between noise pollution and, you know, assault.
But I do want a little canister of pepper spray to go on my keychain! I know a lot of people who could use a macing.
SEE? This is the kind of thinking I was just talking about.
Separate but related issue: Buying pepper spray on the internet is hilarious, even if you only skim the surface of google results:
There's mace in a pink can, mace that looks like a pen, mace that looks like lipstick, mace that's available in a ONE POUND CAN - that's ONE POUND OF MACE, mace that's a gel that sticks to your attacker's face, mace that looks like a pager (no shit, if I saw someone carrying a pager these days I would assume it wasn't actually something else pretending to be a pager), mace that clips to your car visor, and mace that comes in a holster. In short, AMF, YO YO!
"AMF YO YO" is a phrase my parents introduced me to over our vacation in Switzerland. For those of you who were not born a hundred years ago, it's short for "Adios, Mother Fucker! You On Yo Own." Of course, my dad said it stood for "Adios MF" which fooled no one.