Follow Through

HELLO yes I decided am going to post AT LEAST once a month in here (because I realized I at the last minute that I can actually follow through on this). I am mentally empty right now but I'm going to make a post about something god dammit! Uhhh school school school. I haven't gotten a haircut in a YEAR because I've been caught up in school and work and life. I need a haircut. So badly. Ugh. But all I can do is obsess about accounting because I am soooo so bad at it. I mean, all my life (until high school) I was a straight A student except in math. Starting freshman year I got 89s in every math class I ever took and it's been DRIVING ME MAD. And of allll the subjects I was alright at, and the few that I was good at, and the ONE subject I was REALLY good at...I chose to get a master's degree in what has amounted to MATH. Fucking hell. My life is hell. I mean...yes, it's hell, but not in a way where I actively fantasize about ending it all, so that's good.

I'm going to strive to name...
FIVE Other things that are good:
- Boyf
- Baby Elephants
- Naps
- Cute Underpants
- Carbs

There. I did it. Wasn't much of a stretch, I'll admit it, but maybe I can do 5 good things every month? I'm dubious about that part because I'm such a curmudgeon but I think I can at least post. Okay. Let's do it. POST POST POST POST POST

MOI!

So you guys have obviously seen the Shit Girls Say video that came out a couple days ago? If you're confused, it's something that reminded you directly of me because it's a movie about MOI! But just in case you haven't seen it (I mean come on?!), here it is:



And because it is so hilarious and so well done - that guy walks in heels better than I...well, nobody walks in heels better than I do (ed note: outrageous lie)* but it was close - it obviously became super popular, and you know what happens when a "viral video" gets super popular right?



Sigh. I love a good Response Video! [Insert disclaimer re: my reservations about painting huge swaths of humanity with a single brush] I mean, I'm sure there are some girls out there that don't really identify with the characters in that first video but 1. I haven't met any, and 2. WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK ANYWAY (humorless cunts).

I apologize for "cunts" but I've been listening to a lot of Ricky Gervais lately and he's got me convinced that it doesn't have the same American brand of misogyny attached to it in the UK and other parts of the world, so I'm going to say "cunts" and just let people think I'm very Continental or generally Well-Traveled. You might find it hard to believe that cursing a particular way can make people think you're cultured, but I HAVE SEEN IT WORK.

*Uh, fuck yeah I just (ed. note)'d myself. I have multiple personalities and they all hate each other. And you.

Jay is a Fashionisto

I love this. It explains rap lyrics to you so you can become an Urban Scholar!

Of course, unfortunate things do happen occasionally, like when I clicked on a word in "No Church in the Wild" and this popped up:

#Best

I feel an impact tremor...in my underpants!

Guilty!

Borign (Too Bored to Spell "Boring" Correctly)

The end of the semester is upon us. This means I'm about to a lot of scrambling, a little sweat, a few tears, and lots of whining and thrashing about unproductively.

This blog is SO BORING. What should I talk about, though? All I ever do is read shit for class (I can talk about that, I guess - anyone out there interested in an UNABRIDGED history of WalMart?) and watch TV/movies with Boyf. It's nice in that I have an insanely low tolerance for drama, but boring in that I keep running into people and they keep asking that dreaded small-talky question, but who am I to blame them for being unoriginal when I myself am the most unoriginal small-talker ever? "So what have you been up to lately?"

I always just shrug and mutter about grad school being hard and everything but we all know that. Grad school is for overachieving nincompoops, and anyone who's perused the lurid pixels of this blog for longer than ten seconds knows for a fact that I'm AT LEAST a nincompoop.

...Nincompoop.

I'm depressing myself. Here's a video of Stephen Colbert doing a bank ad, probably in 1992 or something, judging from the font.



Oh, Stephen. Giving us hope that one day all roundfaced babycakes who may or may not be wearing orange lipstick can make it to the big time.

A Tale As Old As Time

Firefighters rescuing kittens. How classic can you get?



Also classic:

"WRONG ONE! Wrong one."
"Other hole."

But what I like best about this video is the fact that the whole group of manly firefighters breaks into nonstop crazy giggling at the sight of the kitten shooting out of the tube. Just unending cackles back and forth, forever.

The Politics of Unfriending Someone

There are certain times when it becomes necessary to unfriend someone (yes, I am talking about Facebook). Logic would dictate that the Facebook unfriend would be distinctly more casual than the "real life" version of such an action, but logic unfortunately has no place in this discourse. First of all, one rarely decides not to be friends with someone in real life - usually I realize I haven't spoken to someone for five years and think, "I guess we're not friends anymore!" Then, when/if the decision has been made, there is less of a formal action in real life to indicate that the friendship has been discontinued. It's more of a fading away...until someone wakes up and thinks, "I haven't spoken to Priya in five years!" On Facebook, everyone has concrete evidence that one of you has decided that there is no longer A Friendship. This can be a big deal, because it's objective proof of a very subjective experience. What if both people don't see it the same way?

The subjectivity of the Facebook Unfriend is part of what can make it such a troubling thing to go through. One person may see a particular episode as a watershed event in the friendship, while the other thinks that everything is going along as usual. Thus the Unfriend can be jarring, and maybe even feel spiteful, since it often comes without previous discussion or forewarning. The person who deletes his or her friend is, after all, making a semi-public announcement that something unforgivable has taken place.

"Something unforgivable" means different things to different people, however, and this ambiguity can get even more complicated when it involves a person who is part of a relationship. Last night I asked Devon, "Why didn't you unfriend that kid a year ago?" That kid, in the course of our dinner together one night, mentioned that he did not believe that the Holocaust really happened. A HOLOCAUST DENIER! I responded to his statement by drinking a margarita the size of a fishbowl and being as caustically sardonic as possible all through dinner, and assumed that Devon would unfriend him when the night was through. A year and a half later, however, the friendship remains intact (on Facebook anyway), and this miscreant most foul has continued to crop up and post insane political nonsense (the kind of political nonsense you'd expect a Holocaust denier to post, if you're wondering) from time to time, turning my blood to boiling, roiling lava each time I think of him and my boyfriend being friends. Devon's response to my question, by the way, was, "I just didn't think about it." I just checked again (see what I mean about concrete proof) and almost 20 hours after our conversation, they're still friends. This angers me deeply since 1. I believe firmly that HOLOCAUST DENIERS SHOULD NOT BE TOLERATED/APPEASED. EVER, 2. The fact that my boyfriend is doing it kind of makes me feel like I'm tolerating/appeasing this unbelievable shitbag, which I DEFINITELY WOULD NOT, given the opportunity. Maybe Devon didn't unfriend the Holocaust denier because he is a patient person (which he is, in this case - I believe - to a fault). Maybe he didn't do it because Facebook politics just aren't that important to him so his Facebook actions do not reflect his day-to-day life. Maybe he didn't do it because...well, the world is full of possibilities, isn't it?

Oh, good heavens. This is just delightful.

I'll just let it speak for itself.



Don't you just LOVE Oscar Wilde? Okay, who doesn't, obviously. But still. O Oscar, REANIMATE YOUR ROTTED CORPSE AND rescue me from the terrible obscenity of modern communication!

In Which Some Troubling Personality Defects Come to Light

I just took this personality test at the behest of my daily VSL email and this is my diagnosis:

Always happy in a crowd, you love to converse, to relate, and above all to have fun. You tend to think in a more holistic manner than many others. Like a crow you are attracted to shiny objects, new ideas, playful exciting colors and the thrill of a new personal relationship. You love to talk or gossip. You are highly invested in the reality of day-to-day life. Practicality is far more important than issues of honor or allegiance. You are a creature of the here and now. You are a natural multi-tasker, often switching mid-thought from one duty to another. You have a flair for presenting your personality in your work, and are known as a great storyteller and natural actor. You are very skilled at taking in a barrage of information and distilling what is most important from it. Naturally charming, you are quick to win new friends. Over stimulation is a danger.

Um...some of that is terrifyingly accurate for the kind of material that was covered; this is no OkCupid personality quiz, which is to say: I highly recommend taking this test if only to experience the sensation of staring at a star and a square in efforts to answer "Which of these shapes can control your mind?" If any of you know wtf was going on with that line of questioning, please get in touch and/or send me links to cray-cray psychological studies about shapes, colours, vibrations, and how they relate to the REVELATIONS OF THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND!!!!!!

A gay eye to portrait photography

I got this in an email last night. When I showed it to Devon, he laughed and said, "Life's Mission: Accomplished!" I'm not sure what that means.

...

This image was presented to me, sans context, in the middle of an OkCupid personality test (yes, it is 2001, and yes, I was trying to figure out what my spirit animal is).



I don't even.

What.

Holy. Shit.

I can B all deez ladiez?

Synchronized Kittehs

Play this with the sound on if you can - the music adds like +199990 cuteness power to this video.

For Fans Only

This made my heart explode. :)



I miss John Hughes! :(

Sometimes you just need an easy LOL

And this was it. Also, Hey, "Life is a Highway!" Welcome to my brain for the next 12 days! YES! This is happening!

SWAGG

Oh man, I just saw this advertisement and laughed out loud.

Is there a way to pre-download apps? I'm thinking someone should invent a way that I can just automatically opt into apps that fulfill certain categories. But what would this fulfill? First off, I don't even know what it does, and second, it has a ridiculous name, and what is that girl's face supposed to convey? For real. I guess, if the pre-downloading option were to exist, I would select "please automatically download anything that seems hopelessly retarded (that doesn't have to do with sports)"?

This completely made my day.

SHUT UP, iTUNES, JUST SHUT UP

*mimes sarcastic masturbation*

Girl, I been there.

I don't know what else to say about this.