I Want to Believe

Boyf and I have been watching a lot of X-Files lately.

I tried to find a better Season 1 pic but people seem to be way more interested in pics of Gillian in vinyl bodysuits or Scully and Mulder kissing. Anyway - look how young they are! Babby Scully and Babby Mulder. Aw.

We started at the Pilot and have been moving pretty steadily through Season 1 for the last couple of weeks. My old friend Owen watched all the X-Files from beginning to end a couple of years ago and it had the negative effect of making him insane and paranoid about everything, but he can be kind of dour sometimes to begin with, and he was going through a very solitary, dark period at the time...a period during which he was apparently doing nothing but working a job he hated and watching X-Files and generally hating life. It's easy to see how nine straight seasons of X-Files dramz might freak a person out. 


I, on the other hand, am enjoying this thoroughly. First of all, I'm not in an especially dark, hating-everything life space right now (no more than usual anyway). And then there's all the other factors to consider: 90s nostalgia/ middle school memories, Scully (and Scully's unflinching poker face, Scully tucking a gun into the front of her pants with straight grace and skill, Scully getting shot/punched/kicked in the head and being like "ALL IN A DAY'S WORK BITCHES" etc), Scully and Mulder, and so on. Plus, I already know that the news is fake so the basic premise of this show isn't a shock to my system. Another thing: characters are constantly referencing all these cute little pre-PATRIOT ACT restrictions on the FBI. For example, in an episode I just watched tonight, a suspect smugly told Mulder he couldn't tape their phone calls without the suspect's express permission LOL isn't it darling? That keeps it from being too #dark for me. I can't wait to get further into it so we can re-learn all about the Cigarette Smoking Man, the Smoking Gun, and Scully's Mysterious Alien Cancer Baby!

Are you ready?! Let's DO IT!!!!!!!!

#Best

I feel an impact tremor...in my underpants!

WOMAN.

This is How.

You have to question a cinematic culture which preaches artistic expression, and yet would support a decision that is clearly a product of a patriarchy-dominant society, which tries to control how women are depicted on screen. The MPAA is okay supporting scenes that portray women in scenarios of sexual torture and violence for entertainment purposes, but they are trying to force us to look away from a scene that shows a woman in a sexual scenario, which is both complicit and complex. It’s misogynistic in nature to try and control a woman’s sexual presentation of self. I consider this an issue that is bigger than this film. … There is something very distorted about this reality that they’ve created, which is that it is OK to torture women on screen. Any kind of violence towards women in a sexual scenario is fine. But give a woman pleasure? No way. Not a chance. That’s pornography.

- Ryan Gosling 


Holy fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

So good!

Oh god. If I had a dollar for every boner this video gave me, well...lunch would be on me. But I don't, so it isn't.

Back!

Yes, I was gone for a while there. First I went to Costa Rica with the Boyf, then I went to the Galapagos with my fam, THEN more family came into town and stayed for two weeks, and I never had more than a couple days between those three stretches of time. If you've ever traveled internationally twice in a month, you know that two days is enough time to catch your breath, do a load of laundry, pack again, throw a temper tantrum, and drive to the airport. So that accounts for all the days. Actually no it doesn't, because this week I started classes for my MBA program. So...there's that. Now that I'm re-entering society (which kind of feels like being a meteorite burning up in Earth's atmosphere but whatever), I see that Beyonce made me a present! I'm sharing it with you because I am nice like that.



Fuck, Beyonce, FINE!

This post sponsored by the committee to elect Beyonce for Empress of the United States.*

*Which is incidentally comprised only of the author of this post.

DAMN GUMMINT MADE MAH OVARIES EXPLODE

Can you guys see that cute girl in the front row? Wearing the red tank top? That's me. I clapped and smiled when I saw this video.

Style Rookie

So you guys have heard of Style Rookie by now, yes? In case you haven't (peons), it's the blog (started in 2008) of this 13 year old girl, Tavi, from I-don't-know-where, wherein she comments - at length, sometimes eloquently, often hilariously - about fashion. I know! My first impulse was to be, like, "it's like watching a dog play the piano." Honestly, I didn't know what to think about a little girl who is so...I don't know, when I was 13 I was all over the place. I barely considered one thing (other than boys, of course) for longer than 10 minutes, much less long enough to have a really coherent thought about it and MUCH less long enough to write a whole blog about it for two years! Even now I can't get this site to focus down to anything less than "shizz in my brain?" which is a concern. Anyway, the point: I was highly skeptical when I first heard about Tavi (a year ago now?), but I was reacquainted with her today courtesy of Fashion Week and I have to admit I'm charmed now. Maybe it's the 3 slices of Chocolate Orange I just had for breakfast, but damn...this girl is cuuuute!


And it helps that her caption for this picture was "Two pictures (from Grazia and Tommy Ton for style.com) pieced together because I forgot to ask my dad if he could take one when it was light out. I find the second picture so amusing, especially the version with my dad in it, har har. ONCE AGAIN, I AM SO SRS BZNS. My moleskine is full of secrets."

Are you freaking kidding me. OF COURSE we all know I would have to love a well-written, precocious girl who is simultaneously completely fearless. Again, when I was her age (horf) I couldn't be PAID not to wear Gap or whatever was mid-priced and popular at the time. Thus: BRAVA, TAVI! Represent!
I look forward to finding out what she accomplishes in the near (and distant) future.

Shades of High School

Hey, do all you EHS people remember when Ms. D made us draw the whole world from memory for our World History class freshman year? I still have that map lying around. I got a great fucking grade on that shit. You better believe it. That was back when I had half a liver and hope for the future. Anyway,



That gave me a huge, unexpected hard-on. Sorry. It just did.

Apparently this is NSFW

Ladies and gentlemen of the FairlyAlarmed readership,

I definitely want you to watch this video. Just...watch it at home. With your headphones on. Under the covers of your bed. And never speak of it again.



And now I would like to address you in terms of your gender (I apologize, but it needs to be done).
Ladies: please go home and talk to your loved ones about how this kind of thing is not necessary. Tell your boyfriend, husband, or fuck buddy that this is not the solution to their problems.

Gentlemen: No. Don't do this. For the sake of everything that is hot...don't do it. Nobody wants to find out you've been strapping hydraulics to your penis every night in the hopes that it will help with something that is fucking stupid. Neither do we want to find out that you believe a real, live man who is narrating in the style of Microsoft Mike when he tells you that urologists have been using this technique for years. I'm telling you this right now that they have not. They have been using this technique for NEVER.

Other than that, though...hilarious. A+++++++. Would buy from this seller again.

Hey Craig Ferguson, wanna go home? With me, I mean?

Don't get the wrong idea (the wrong idea being that I want to give you a special hug [though I would totally do that too if you were into it]), I'd just like someone to hang out with that understands my particular brand of Britney Love for once.



God, that's amazing.

Why the Hell Not? Bloopers!

I've been watching this How I Met Your Mother blooper reel on repeat for like ten minutes for some reason. It just keeps getting funnier. I don't know why. It's like having friends of my own and everything! Watch for a super sexy threesome scene like 2 minutes in. You'll know it when you see it. Yeah you will. Mmm...



That reminds me, I should do laundry this weekend.

I GIVE UP

FINE, Zac Efron. You finally broke me down. I have a big ol' goofy crush on you, and this is what did it:



I want to make sure that everyone knows my change of heart (it's not that I disliked him before...I just wanted him and his HSM posse to fade away) had nothing at all to do with this:



Fine is right...what?

This video is, like, uncomfortably erotic. Enjoy!

Yeah. Just...let it wash over you. Embrace the confusion you feel...Paul Rudd loves you. And he loves the Earth. Sexy.

On the other hand...

Maybe there is stuff yet to live for in the world.



Paul Rudd thinks so!

THIS IS ADORBS