There are some things in this life which I cannot blog.
I think I might write a song and that will be one of the hook lyrics. It'll be all about how some of the most essential, universal things in life are failed completely by language, and will also semi-ironically reference pop internet culture which will undoubtedly be hilariously obsolete by the time the single is released (another sample lyric: You can totes talk to me, no matter what you say you'll send me reeling/ tell me now if we can be friends, and if we're friends, ORLY/ I wanna know if you're fucking me or if I'm fucking you/ my friends have all been asking and I haven't got a fucking clue). I'll set it to a slowly revolving beat that sounds like it was recorded underwater - it'll be a pretty obvious homage to "Flower" by Liz Phair but everyone will think it has something to do with Au Revoir Simone. I'll record it on the microphone included with my laptop and mix/ advertise/ sell the resultant single from my bedroom under the guise of being my own sister, girlfriend, or androgynous boyfriend (very White Stripes/ Len/ Tegan and Sara). Then, I'll get tons of offers from big record labels, but I'll eventually surprise everyone with my loyalty and release my EP through Vanilla Records (the name of which will never cease to amuse me as an artist or a brown person), which will be run by John from his eventual basement. Later, I will insist on a rider replete with Fiji Water, pumpkin bread, and other weirdly bougie foodstuffs. And I will also throw a fit if anyone tries to call me by anything other than Her Royal MagjestShe, even though my stage name is something absurdly far afield from that (I'm thinking of going by Fucking A).
So whaddya think? Solid, right?