Almost, Almost, Almost...

American society is all fucked up. Can we agree on that? Good. And part of the reason it's all fucked up is that everyone (or at least the great majority of people) thinks that they should be a celebrity, or that they are owed celebrity status, right? Right. The etymology of that word - celebrity - is pretty obvious, I think. Celebrities are people who should be celebrated, and the culture of raising children with adequate self-esteem in this country has led us all to believe that we are all special snowflakes, worthy of everyone's consideration, and - eventually - their celebration.

I don't think everyone should be widely celebrated. Do I think everyone should be loved? Sure, sort of. But mostly I think most people should earn a living doing something they chose so they can appropriately support their families. Maybe that sounds cynical, but it's really not. We (and I speak pretty much for the middle class here) should take pleasure in the little things to which we all have access: friends, food, music, books. I think we should be happy with the lives which we carve out for ourselves with our own work and wit, and take pride in earning what is ours. Besides equal opportunity, I don't think most people are owed anything. Thus, I find most people fucking irritating.

You may have seen my Twitter update from the other day (I can't bring myself to say "tweet" anymore, it just seems so frivolous...fittingly so, I'm sure, but still) about young people who refer to themselves as "local celebrities". I'm pretty sure the concept of "local celebrity" can only apply to places that are really small. When you start to think that people all over Houston can recognize your name, I feel the danger of psychosis is imminent. Nobody recognizes your name aside from the 100 or so people in your immediate family, the circle you hung out with in high school, your college roommate, and your girlfriend (God help her). So, you're either an actual celebrity, or you're just a regular person. And this is where my plan to start rehabilitating American society comes in! Remember at the beginning when we agreed that everyone is fucked for life? There's something you - yes, YOU! - can do to help! Here's what you do. It's as easy as 1-2-3!

1. Embrace your regularness! Are you just a regular person? Yeah. But that's okay! It can be FUN to be regular.
2. Exceed expectations at being normal! What do "normals" do? Probably a lot of the same things that YOU do! Why? Because you are a normal. Can you think of a normal thing that you do?

Yes! You like Starbucks! That's a good start. Now

3. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE.

Are you gone yet? Yes? Whew.