ALL OF YOU SHUT UP. I'm sick.
Yes, this counts as today's post. Suck it. And I will continue to post every day from here on out, even if I didn't post yesterday and am no longer eligible for whatever prize is being offered this month. Too bad, so sad.
While you're waiting for me to collect myself, here's an AMAZING cold open from the Craig Ferguson show. Part of me wants him to get a better spot in the late-night lineup, because a better spot equals more moneys for my man Craig, but at the same time, an older, more mainstream audience would be unlikely to embrace him and his freakshow antics, which would in turn bring down his ratings, which would mean...fewer moneys for my man Craig and almost-immediate rumors of replacement by Jerry "Soul Horf" Seinfeld (see: The Tragedy of Conan O'Brien). He's probably better off right where he is - being the best talk show host this side of midnight.