Another Fucking Rant (UPDATED!)

I'm not a big sports fan. Sure, I have my loyalties - Bears/Cubs, Supersonics, Bulls (sorta), Raptors, Maple Leafs - but I won't defend them with my life or anything. Mostly I believe sports are the property of those who actually get something out of watching them (ie. not me) and leave the participating to them as well. So I didn't watch The Superbowl with a huge degree of true interest (though I will say that the Manning brothers have this...face that they make that really bothers me, so I was rooting for the Saints) EXCEPT FOR WHEN IT CAME TO THE COMMERCIALS. There have been some absolutely awesome Superbowl ads in the past:



That was great in so many ways, and I still love it to this day. If you don't think "It's A Little Monster" is hilarious and cute, I don't want to hear about it. But let's talk about a controversial one that aired yesterday - the Man's Last Stand! one:



Really, guys? I know it's obvious for me to be all Panties In A Twist over this, but let's have some real talk. Imagine the following, narrated in a woman's weary voice.

I will get up and walk the dog at 6:30 AM.
I will eat some fruit as part of my breakfast.
I will shave.
I will rinse the tub after I shave.
I will be at work by 8AM.
I will sit through 2 hour meetings.
I will say yes.
I will be quiet (or say "maybe") when you don't want to hear me say no.
I will take your call.
I will listen to your opinion of my friends.
I will listen to your friends' opinions of my friends.
I will act cute in front of your dad.
I will go to dirty dive bars (that have no toilet seat) with you.
I will separate the recycling.
I will buy stuff at Sephora for you and pretend it's mine so you don't get embarrassed at checkout.
I will watch your sports commentary TV shows with you.
I will take my sweats off before getting into bed.
I will wear thong underwear.

We're not so different after all, Boys To Whom This Ad Really Speaks. We all suffer to be attractive, we all suffer for the people we love, and we all suffer to do the right thing. You know what? If you hate it so much, don't do it. I can guarantee that we don't need your charity Socks Removal: someone else will do it happily. Enjoy your last stand while you still can, because one day your bad attitude will result in your waking up at age 48 in a dead end job, and the other side of your bed will be cold.

This is not the only thing that is making me angry at guys lately. The other thing is how fucking stupid some of them are when it comes to realizing how uninterested I am in anything they have to say. For example: the other day I needed to return a pack of Post-Its. So I went to Office Depot and walked up to one of the checkout counters. I asked the man behind the counter if I should leave the bag with him (I was all business, but friendly enough), or if I could carry the Post-Its with me through the store as I chose some replacements. He said, "No, you can't leave them here." I said, "Okay" and turned to walk away, and he said, "No no, I'm kidding, you can leave them here."

Maybe this is an overreaction, but I really wish boys wouldn't waste my time when I am clearly giving the signals that I just want to get in, get out, and go back to bed. It's a simple question. I walk in and need to get something done, they decide I rate as more than a 4 on the Fuckability Index, and decide that they would like to audition for the role of Friend With Benefits, since, as a woman, I am clearly out just looking for someone to give me a good fucking to make my day better. This is, fo course, incorrect. What I want, and this should be obvious, is for you to get a clue and do your fucking job, QUIETLY.

DISCLAIMER: This is not, of course, applicable when I'm in a good mood at Starbucks and the barista and I casually give each other a hard time.

/rant

Oh and for those of you who thought it was possible to have a purely loving, respectful relationship with ANYONE, here is what I say to that:



"Nope"